Gasser's Ambiguous History
by many form man
Summary: What happens when I have too much free time? This. Rating because this stuff is messed up. May or may not be induced by illegal substances.


**(This is the result of crack. Not really, but still, just... wow, this is messed up. I really have no other notes. Let the music play!)  
--**

A certain emo teenager--you know who I'm talking about by now--sat lazily on the couch, flipping through channels. As he saw nothing to watch, he stood up and was about to walk into a different room when a very distinct, annoying voice cried out, "Gasser!!" as a large orange ball with spikes tackled him to the ground.

Gasser was clearly vexed, shown by the stereotypical cross-popping veins on his forehead, and threw Don Patch across the room. "What do you want now, Don Patch?"

Don Patch sat up and stared with an indescribable look at Gasser. Not evil, not happy, not... anything. He shrugged and replied, "Iunno. Wait... you know, your backstory was never really explored that much."

Gasser would tell him how wrong he was, but was interrupted when a middle-pitched, nasally voice rang out, "I have an explanation for this." Right as the voice appeared, a small koala appeared next to Gasser just as suddenly.

"Gaoh? What are you talking about?" Gasser questioned, staring at the small koala next to him.

"Weeeeell..." Gaoh drew out the word for a while before finally continuing, "allow me to explain."

He then started sniffling, and tears started to fall from his eyes. "One day, when Gasser was just a young boy, he was cutting vegetables, and he cut himself by accident! But, he didn't stop! He kept doing it because he enjoyed the pain for some reason! He carved up his arm so much, it eventually fell off, but it didn't stop there! He just got a new arm and started cutting that one, too! Fearing for his mental health, his parents sent him to a circus in the sky, where he was an elephant juggler! Yet, he just started cutting the elephants, so they kicked him out, and while he was falling, he wrote emo poetry because he was bored! He enjoyed that too, and ended up cutting himself and writing emo poetry for 50 years before he hit the ground, went SPLAT, and died!!"

By the end of his heartfelt speech, he and Don Patch's faces were both littered with tears, and Don Patch jumped on Gasser and screamed out, "I'M SORRY!!"

Gasser threw Don Patch off and set the record straight, stating, "Guys, I'm only 17, and I'm alive."

"Oh." Both of their tears disappeared immediately and inexplicably, and they were about to walk away when Jelly burst out of a nearby manhole! Even though they were INSIDE!!

Gasser did his usual freak out face as Jelly gave off a gleaming smile and said suavely, "Allow _me _to set the record straight!"

His eyes then got enveloped in tears, and he choked out, "Gaoh got the first part right, with Gasser cutting himself until his arm fell off. However, he learned his lesson, so he didn't lose any more arms. Although, his original arm fell into a nearby lake, and an angry swarm of goldfish ganged up on it and devoured it! They loved the taste of blood, so they wanted more. They lured Gasser to the lake and dragged him in. Gasser was eaten and crapped out by one, then eaten and crapped by the next, and so on until he escaped 60 years later. Though, they wouldn't give up so easily, so they turned into a giant, orange Incredible Hulk and ripped him in half!!"

By the end of his little speech, Jelly was crying his eyes out, and so were Gaoh and Don Patch. They each clung to one of his legs and simultaneously shrieked, "I'm so sorry!!"

Gasser forced them off with an annoyed look on his face and pointed out, "Guys, I'm seventeen, and I'M ALIVE."

Jelly raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a few seconds before asking, "What's your point?"

"Seventeen is less than sixty."

"Seventy is not!"

"Seven_teen_, Jelly."

"Oh."

There was then a large rumbling, and the four of them looked around in surprise, until Bobobo burst out of Gasser's hair!!

Gasser did his freak-out face, as usual, and yelled, "How'd you get there?!"

"It matters not," declared Bobobo, crawling out of the brambles of hair and onto the floor. As he got up, he continued, "I know the real story."

"Here we go again..." Gasser said annoyed, sitting on the couch.

"You see, none of us actually exist except for Don Patch. The real Don Patch is in a coma, and we are just figments of his imagination. Gasser..." Bobobo pointed to the aforementioned emo boy. "You were created by Don Patch as a butt monkey: someone to laugh at and torture. Because of this, only you..." He rested his hand on Gasser's shoulder as Gasser looked at him, surprised. Bobobo solemnly finished, "Only you can defeat Ganon."

Gasser's eye twitched before he raised up his pointer finger. "One problem with that. Don Patch _has _no imagination." He proved his claim by handing Don Patch a paper and pen and demanding, "Make up a character."

Don Patch drew for a couple of minutes before triumphantly handing the paper to Gasser and smirking victoriously. He said, "I call it... Lawn Patch."

Gasser simply gazed at the picture before handing it to Bobobo. The picture... was just a picture of Don Patch with a flower on his head.

As this happened, everybody began to fade away inexplicably! As they all vanished- just see for yourself.

--

Don Patch sprang up in a bed. "Whoa, that afro guy in my coma... dream... thing was right."

Before he could get up out of bed, he randomly DIE.

--

Jelly sat up in his mattress because Bobobo wouldn't let him have a bed, and he was unexplainably wearing the Neptune Mask from Kinnikuman. He shook his head wildly to wake himself up before stating, "What a weird dream."

--

"AAAH!!" Bobobo screamed as he woke up in his bed. "Hmm... I wonder what's the time," he said calmly, looking over to his alarm clock. It was 3:00 PM!

Bobobo shrugged and hopped out of his bed. As he walked downstairs, he saw Gasser and asked him, "How long was I out?"

"9 hours."

"So I've been asleep since..."

Gasser scratched his head and started doing the math, finding it unusually hard to figure out. Don Patch walked by, and without any prior knowledge, said, "6 AM!"

"Why did I find that so hard?" Gasser called out, again scratching his head.

Bobobo randomly got an x-ray out of nowhere and was not questioned, I repeat, NOT questioned, for it, as he examined both Don Patch and Gasser. "You guys switched brains somehow."

--

At the hospital, Gasser and Don Patch were standing vacantly in one of the rooms as the door opened. However, a doctor did not come it, but instead the janitor, whom was in fact-

"Gump?!" Gasser screamed in surprise.

"Yep, it's me, Gump," he replied in his southern drawl. He picked up the phone and called the doctor. "Yeah, we need a brain transplant, oh, and Gasser," he said, cupping his hand over the phone, "Do you want to work as a nurse? You get to wear these tiny miniskirts."

Disturbingly enough, Gump showed off the outfit he had just mentioned.

"Um... no," Gasser replied matter-of-factly.

--

"Yaaaay," Don Patch said stupidly, his brain now back in his head, until he realized, "Wait, what just happened?"

"We got our respective brains back," Gasser replied.

"Yaaaaaay." As Don Patch said this, he had a stupid smile on his face and started clapping.

**--  
(I realize this more likely than not sucks, but I just felt like broadcasting it.)**


End file.
